Just Say No

It's no secret that I've always hated shorts. Given the opportunity, I'd choose a skirt or capris any day over these summer fashion items. But what I truly don't understand is the recent proliferation of bermuda shorts. The clothing industry media is wrong—unless you have the physique of an 11-year-old boy, you DO NOT look good in these items. End of story.

I'm not alone. Amanda Fortini agrees with me in her column, "Dog Day Afternoon: When Summer Fashions go Bad:"

And both Vogue and Elle have recently displayed shorts in their pages. These items are either the size of table napkins...or long, skinny columns designed for the 12 living women with pipe-cleaner thighs. In Vogue's April "Shape Issue," a photo spread featuring 90-pound gazelles lounging in shorts reads: "As the days grow longer, trouser lengths get shorter. It's a great look, especially for the slight of frame." The hint is hardly subtle.